back to the theatre
In December of 2019, I took my last on-stage bow in a musical as “Clarice” in Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer: The Musical! I absolutely loved being part of that show, but certainly never expected it would be my last musical. Since 2019, there was a world-wide pandemic, I moved from North Carolina to Knoxville, began loosing my mobility and health to a debilitating neurological disorder, started performing in cover bands, got married to the love of my life, and then, all of the sudden, it was 2023.
As my health worsened, I started to wonder if life’s path was ever going to take me back to my first love: musical theatre. Full transparency: I had honestly given up hope. Where would there be space for someone with my health issues and limitations in the theatre? I tried my best to just focus on playing the gigs I had lined up and making the most of what life was offering in every moment, but it was hard.
In 2023, I saw 4 musicals and felt that tug. If you’re a theatre person, you know the feeling. You’re watching a show and enjoying it, but the back of your mind is saying, “I want to be up there, too.” Hair was the first, then Rock of Ages, Fun Home, and Into The Woods (twice). The itch was officially back. I was still performing regularly in cover bands and writing original music but I couldn’t ignore the itch. I started looking around at audition notices and decided to sign up for an audition for the first time since 2019. The show? Kinky Boots. I figured, “This will be a nice refresh on what auditioning is like. This show isn’t really in my normal wheelhouse (no pun intended) but I’ve gotta see if this itch is worth scratching.”
I’ll preface with the fact that I used to love auditioning. I am weird that way, I suppose. I loved that you just get up there and freaking go for it and even if nothing comes of it, you got some practice out of it. Audition day turned into a dance call. I had no clue how to do that in a wheelchair. I’m not paralyzed but I also can’t stand or move unassisted for very long at all; certainly not for an entire dance routine.
While I waited for the dance call to start, my stomach was in knots. Pre-Stiff Person Syndrome, I was a dance captain and choreographer. To go from dancing Fosse to being in a wheelchair was a big shift. I felt so in over my head but I knew I just had to get this first try over with and then every audition after that would be a little less scary. I never could have guessed how much fun that first time back in the room would be. I was rusty as hell, but it felt like coming home. I had butterflies again, I had adrenaline again, I was me again. It was like I had re-discovered a part of myself that I never thought I’d see again.
For my first one in a wheelchair, the dance call was amazing. I’m not sure what was harder: adapting the moves or just trying to remember choreography after 4 years off from learning choreo. We got multiple chances to do the call and for the last run, I decided to give my forearm crutches a shot. I smashed it as best I could, but I do think dancing will need to be a wheelchair-bound sport for me due to my SPS. My first instinct was disappointment in myself for struggling, but it’s an honor to be an advocate for others who are also disabled and want to be on the stage or see themselves represented on the stage. I am so proud of myself for every minute of that audition.
Looking back now, the entire process was pure joy for me. I truly can’t speak highly enough of the creative team for Kinky Boots at the Clarence Brown Theatre here at UT-Knoxville when it comes to my audition experience as a disabled actor. I left that day thinking, “There’s no way I got in but, hot-damn, that was FUN!” Imagine my surprise when I got the email offering me the role of Marge/Ensemble. I experienced so many emotions at once that I could hardly figure out where to start. Excited, terrified, ready, surprised, and so, so nervous. I knew this was life saying, “You wanted back in. So … Are you in or are you out?” I said, “HECK YES!”
I am so excited and honored to join the cast of Kinky Boots this spring at the Clarence Brown Theatre. We begin rehearsals in less than a month and I cannot wait to be back in that room. Don’t worry, music fans, I will still be performing at Second Wind’s upcoming concerts and have some private gigs lined up with The Lancasters duo/trio. I am still working on original music and art; that will never stop! If you like theatre, show-tunes, thigh high boots, and drag queens, I hope you’ll join us for this amazing musical with score by Cyndi Lauper. It is going to be a smash and I cannot wait to return to my home in the theatre.
Visit https://clarencebrowntheatre.com/shows/kinky-boots/ for more information and to get your tickets!
